Bruce Banner: Guide and Owner's Manual
by Erestory
Summary: Tired of waking up to a huge green rage monster? All the cabinets are filled with tea? Wondering how to get him into a club? Don't even have a house anymore? Cherish this manual.


Congratulations!

You are now the owner of a fully automated **Bruce Banner **unit. To ensure that you get the full use and benefits of your hulking doctor, please pay close attention to the following instructions.

**Basic Information:**

**Name: Dr. Bruce Banner**

**Date Of Manufacture: **Year of 1968

**Place Of Manufacture: **Marvel, Nine Realms

**Height: **Around 6'2"

**Weight: **Unknown

**Race: Human**

**Your _Bruce_ unit will come with the following accessories**

Three shirts

Two pants

2 boots

2 Pair of glasses

1 unkempt scooter

1 box of tea

When you first open your **Bruce **unit, he will be fidgety and awkward. Give him space and time he will open up for small bouts of company.

**Cleaning: **The **Bruce **unit is fully capable of cleaning himself and will keep the house clean.

* * *

**Programming:**

Your **Bruce** unit is intelligent and sweet, and can carry out the following functions:

**Date: **He is handsome, mature, and very smart. Bribe him with enough tea and quiet time and he shall go with you to any event. Warning: The more chaotic the event, the less time he can stay.

**Doctor: **He is filled with knowledge about the human body and his hands are steady. Got impaled with a pole? Got the common cold? He is an excellent doctor we are told!

**Meditation partner: **The **Bruce **is an expert at meditating and achieving the Zen. If you ever feel tired full of doing yoga and meditating by yourself than **Bruce** will keep you company and make you feel better.

**Science teacher: **Because of his advanced knowledge in science your **Bruce** will make an excellent tutor in scientific arts. He will especially keep you from making his mistakes.

* * *

**Your _Bruce_ unit comes with five different modes:**

Companion

Love

Nervous

Loner

HULK

The **Companion **mode is activated whenever **Bruce** is with other units Avengers. He will chuckle at jokes and **Tony** units, talk science, eat, drink (very little), laugh at other units and smile. He will also react differently to different units in this mode.

**Love **is activated when **Bruce** is around **Betty** units. He will blush, take her out to eat, try to impress and protect **her**.

The **Nervous** mode is activated when **Bruce **is in a unfamiliar area or/and surrounded by unfamiliar people. Try to keep him from getting nervous because that will lead him to entering HULK mode. When nervous he will sweat, pace, clean glasses, ring hands, not make good conversation and monitor his heartbeat.

**Loner: **This is activated when **Bruce** is in danger of going into HULK more or becoming stressed. He will lock himself in his room, drink tea, meditate, snap at visitors, read books, and eat very little.

The **HULK** mode is activated when **Bruce** is in danger, someone is in danger or he gets really angry. He will turn into a giant, green rage monster and will smash everything. This includes aliens, gods, humans, cars and regular people. Warning: Homeowners insurance is advised.

* * *

_**Reaction to other units:**_

**Tony Stark**: This unit is a fellow avenger and **Bruce**'s science buddy. When around this unit the **Tony** will try to make your **Bruce **go into **HULK** mode. When he is not trying to summon the **HULK** they will spend countless hours in the lab, making things, trolling **Fury** units and causing minor explosives.

**Thor Odinson**: This unit is a fellow avenger. The **Bruce **and** Thor** will get along fine as long as the **Bruce** does not go into **HULK** mode. **Thor** is the only one who can deal with the **Hulk **but otherwise you can leave them alone.

**Clint Barton****: **This unit is a fellow avenger. When around the **Bruce** unit the **Clint** will try to avoid making the other go into **HULK** mode. Other than that they will eat, watch movies, and laugh at **Tony** units together.

**Natasha Romanova**: The **Natasha** and **Bruce** can be left alone as long as the **Bruce** does not test her (she will pull a weapon). Otherwise they will discuss random topics, watch movies and eat.

**Steve Rogers**: The **Steve** is one of the only people that **Bruce** feels comfortable with because of him overlooking the **HULK**. When Steve is not ordering in a plate of smash they will discuss books and movies, babysit **Tony **and **Thor** units, eat out, and visit museums.

**Nick Fury**: He is the **Bruce** unit's boss. They get along fine even if **Fury** locks him in a giant cake dish.

**Phil Coulson**: The unit is the handler of the **Bruce** unit.

**Loki Odin-Laufeyson**: This unit will go into **HULK** mode around a **Loki** in **madness** mode (See **Loki** manual) and will proceed to beat the **Loki** like a drum. However if a **Loki** is in **companion** mode then the two will have intelligent conversations and drink lots of tea.

**General Ross**: He is the Bruce's former boss and sworn enemy. _**DO NOT LEAVE ALONE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.**_

**Betty Ross**: This unit is the lost lover and means more to **Bruce** than any other. He will not harm, scream, curse or go into **HULK **around her unless to protect her. You can leave them alone.

* * *

**Frequently** **Asked Questions**

**Q: **My **Bruce **is very withdrawn and will not come of his room. How do I draw him out.

**A: **Tea. Lots and lots of tea.

**Q: **My friend went to college and took her **Tony** unit with her. Now my unit is all quiet and keeps looking at his lab in despair. How do I help?

**A: **Buy a **Tony Stark **or find a friend who has one.

**Q: **My **Bruce **and **Loki ** have destroyed my house because Loki have went into madness. I'm so lost about how to rebuild it.

**A: **I am sorry but we can not help you. That is why we advise homeowners insurance when you buy the** Bruce** unit.

**Q: **What happened to my unit? Hes tall, blonde, talks strange, always eating a poptart and has threatened my radio with a giant hammer to many times to be comfortable. I'm so confused!

**A: **You have been sent a **Thor** unit by mistake. Draw** Thor** into the box using poptarts and send him back. Your **Bruce** should arrive soon.

**Warranty: **With proper care, the **Bruce **unit will live for years and die of old age, unless a battle kills him. However, if you get scared with the angry doctor, you can always send him back to our company for a full refund (within 12 months of purchase).


End file.
